supply and demand...

to many people when this term is used it refers to the idea of being able to supply enough of something to someone who is demanding that same thing, hence the term supply and demand. although it is used many times in the field of economics and the relationship between the buyer and the seller, in my eyes it is more applicable in the whole field of life and the relationship between the giver and the taker. it may seem as though these two are intertwined, but in fact they are two different things. in the relationship between the buyer and the seller- there is a two sided exchange where someone is giving something in exchange for something else, but in the relationship between the giver and the taker- there is only a one sided exchange seeing as though someone is giving something to someone who is taking it. in this lies the problem of selfishness where if we are the taker in the relationship then the question must be asked if we are demanding more than the other person can supply. if this happens to be the case- then it will throw the whole supply and demand scale off balance. we as the taker must only demand or request as much as the giver can supply. not only have i found this a problem in everyday life itself, but i have found this a problem in my own. i realize that many times i have played the role of the taker and have demanded more than the other person can supply as the giver. i will admit that even though i sometimes say that i demand very little- in reality i know that i demand more than i should- and this truth is seen through my actions that are exhibited- mainly irrational behavior. these actions can only hurt a man and cause unhappiness between a relationship of any kind- as i have seen these affects myself. i realize now that the idea of selflessness needs to be on the forefront of my mind alot more than it has been. to those that i have wronged- and the list is of many- my deepest apologies. but people do change- and hopefully this particular change will help me from now into the future...

here and there...

Here and there- in life we share,

there are sometimes that come without prepare.

Inevitably so that with the weather comes storms,

then and there will i be for you ever the more.

When life's got you down- seeming as though there is no hope to be found,

i will be there to try and help turn it around.

Even though recently these times have been in great appear,

as much will i be there as i am here.

No matter where you go or what you do,

i will most certainly be there for you.

Whatever happens so matter the light or day,

i will be there for you then as i say this today.

Though the journey gets harder to separate the false from the true,

for me one thing is certain- i will not abandon you.

digging nowhere...

think about it- what is the point of digging a hole? the point is that when you dig a hole you hope to find something down there. whether it be just a worm, oil, or the blue heart of the ocean jewel you are most certainly looking for something. the problem is that if you dig to much- you get too deep- almost deep enough to the point where you are unable to get out of it. this is the point where you have to decide to stop digging and go sell your shovel- so i did. i sold my shovel for some perspective- although i thought about buying a better shovel- digging is too much work anyway and it hurts my very problem prone back. too many a time i dug myself a hole and had to rely on my buddy billy bob joe (name changed for effect) to help me through it. so here i am happily in the unemployment line because i quit my job (aka personality) of constantly digging. digging is pointless in my book- because i found out that i was digging nowhere- and if you are digging nowhere then you certainly wont find anything. although i could really use the blue heart of the ocean jewel right now.

better days ahead...

its amazing how when you can learn look on the bright side- how much better things will seem. tonight has really taught me a lesson in that area. i have been the type of person where if i am not happy with the current situation- then i can just sit and be pissed off about it- and ever since a certain party where i did just that and things didn't turn out so well- i have learned. so i took the bright side theory for a test run tonight- as i kind of expected- things were not the best that they could have been which was no ones fault just the previous happenings of the day- but i decided to look past that and have fun- and in reality i had a blast. so what- things didn't turn out how i planned which again was no ones fault- but i realized that if i decided to be pissed off about it- it would just have made things worse. so in a sense i am very glad that i looked on the bright side because i accomplished just what i wanted to happen tonight- to spend some time with a certain special someone- and i hope they agree. but despite of the events that happened or maybe even because of them- i had fun tonight and would not change a single thing. most importantly- i know that there will be better days ahead- there always are- and thats what i look forward to...

music of the soul...

music- it is an amazing thing. it can comfort us, understand us, sympathize with us, and relate with us. we all have music that we like- but we must ask why? there is music in everyones repertoire that they listen to just for the sake of listening to it, but then there is the music that means something to us. not only does it have meaning in itself, but we can also relate to it with past or present experiences. this is the music that tugs at our soul every time we listen to it and is the music that should be listened to- not just for the sake of listening. most people may say that this type of music has to require lyrics and words- however i think exactly the opposite. i believe that true music doesn't require lyrics and this is because when you listen to something without words- then you are forced to contemplate what the artist is trying to convey even still through just the sound of the music. meaning of sound is much harder to realize than meaning of words- but it is not a talent that cant be developed either. once you can gain this realization- music will mean so much more. listening to the right tune- you will feel like you are able to touch the sky and travel to heaven and back. i think its something we should all experience. with that said- i give special thanks to music genius- pat metheny.

getting away...

the thing about vacation is that we can never fully be in that state of mind and we can never fully escape it either. in life- we always say that we have to get away from our current situation but the fact is is that once we are away- all we want to do is return. but then once we return- things are not the same anymore- you have to again reach the state of equilibrium. so maybe- in its own light- maybe vacation and getting away is not all that it is cracked up to be- does it possibly cause more problems than it prevents? because the term of getting away could also be used in the form of running away from our problems- which we should never do. we should always face and battle them with a fierceness. yes- i think vacation can be a very soothing and relaxing time, but i also think that for us to be happy anywhere else- we must first be happy with our present situation, because no matter where we go- we can never escape life. oh we may try our hardest to escape our life and problems and we may even forget about them for a period or two, but they will always be there when you get back- unchanged and maybe even worse. so my words of advice to you who may read- fix your problems and worries now- don't try to run away from them, forget them, or wait for them to get fixed on their own- deal with them while you still have a chance. but in light of the holiday today i say- relax, because no matter what our current situation in life is- we always need relaxation...

calling in...

for me, i have got to say that today- i love the phone. it is very useful for many occasions of all imagines, but today it was very useful in getting me out of a very stressful situation- work. granted this might be a little one sided bad attitude here because i don't like my job very much anyway- but when you are feeling crappy- there's not much you can do about it. so- i have to thank alexander graham bell- because i love the luxury to call in sick- don't you? had it not been for that one phone call- most likely i would still be at work- and look at the time! yes yes, i am very glad that i did not have to work today- it felt like a big weight was lifted off my shoulders and i could go home and relax today. as i always say- everything happens for a reason- even including sickness.

reddo is...vado in...operor is...

abyssus lector, si vos es lectio is is opes ut vos have captus vicis ut reddo is pariter. curator est a funny res est non is, is can coegi nos efficio plures res ut nos have non perfectus pro. multipliciter is can exsisto a bonus res quod a nocens res. is can exsisto bonus quoniam is pulsus nostrum levamentum plaga vel iucunditas plaga si vos mos, tamen is can quoque exsisto nocens quoniam illic es nonnullus res in vita ut nemo should have usus of, plures cuius est lurking procul nostrum ianua hodie. tamen vel vegrandis factum of iens ut susicivus perturbo ut reddo is vegrandis insignificant blog est an factum of putus curator in ipsum. plerumque ego sententia is would exsisto funny experior sicco- iens rectus ex english ut latin- tamen illis quisnam did non reddo is- is has magis voluntas quam vos reputo. quod si is reddo has procedo horrendus nefas, tunc ego apologize- accuso penitus, quoniam ego miserabile operor ignoro latin. usquam illis sicco illic- bonus fortuna per totus vestri novus usus evestigatus per curator- utriusque bonus quod nocens.

-tamen commodo basium mihi per a million basium.

-if any of that made any sense to anyone, i will be truly amazed.

divine happenings...

isn't it amazing when something could go horribly wrong but for some reason or another it turns out alright. luckily this happened to me today- i was all set to do something tomorrow that i know i would have regretted had something that i did not expect to happen happened. whenever something like this happens- one with certain religious beliefs cannot help but wonder about these things. the thing is that today- me and my friends prayed about it- and then what happened soon after was out of my control- but i wouldn't change it if i could either. all in all- today turned out alright. it was a day of realization and overall enlightenment- i wouldn't have it any other way- but may his will be done.

misconstrued faults...

why is it always a fact that most of the time when there is fault to be found- it is inside yourself? sometimes we make the huge mistake of thinking someone else is at fault- you rationalize and reason to make it make sense- but all along it is your own fault staring you in the face. i think everyone including me has made this mistake at one time or another, but we always need to realize when it happens soon because sometimes we realize it too late- i just hope it is not. having made this mistake tonight i am very glad to realize what i did wrong- with some help from a very wise friend, but i am also very sad and regretful- which i suppose is only normal. all i can do now is ask forgiveness and hope the innocent party accepts. life is a learning process- in every aspect, sometimes we make mistakes- big ones and small ones. we just have to learn from our mistakes so we will not make them in the future. but i know that i have learned from mine tonight and i will not make the same mistake again. having said that- to the innocent party i say- i am sorry- sorry for the mistakes i have committed tonight and the ones i will most likely commit in the future. even if this is not that big of a deal- i ask for forgiveness- and i hope you accept.

Where We Are....

Where have you been, between now and then?

Were you hiding away from the dread of the day,

or away from the night which brings nothing but fright?

Were you running quite fast from the fear that is your past, 

or shying away from the future events of today?

Was i wrong - have you been here all along?

Where have i been between now and then?

I was searching for someone again and again.

Someone who desperately needed to be found,

to be brought back to life from lying dead on the ground.

Someone who could gratefully appreciate life, 

even after going through the journey and all the perils of strife.

Where have you gone - when i was searching for you all along?

Its been a long long time between now and then,

but it appears that my search may have come to an end.

For some time you were lost and then you were found.

For awhile i was searching and then you found me.

Before the closure i find in looking back through time.

Sometimes i wonder how we got to where we are between then and now.

new beginnings...

with every new piece of knowledge, wisdom or perspective that we attain- we must look at our past once more before making the the decision to follow through with that which we have learned. tonight- i have been blessed with a glorious new perspective. even though it had been lying before me my whole life- i still did not see it. all my life i have a been a strong willed child which unfortunately means that i have wanted to follow my own path in life and no one elses and which sometimes included neglecting the advice from the people that care to give it the most. although the quality of strong will can be both good and bad- in my opinion the cons of being strong willed outweigh the pros. so after looking back at my life once more i have realized that strong will has hindered my life more than help it. i know now that i must turn that around once and for all and finally listen and learn from those who have been trying to help me out ever since and even before i was born. to me- it is that simple and which is why i dont know why i never realized it in the first place- do what you are called to do and your life will be all and more that it needs to be- thats all. but at this very moment- contrary to what you may believe- this perspective has alot more to do with me and my relationship with the Lord than it does with my parents. although my parents are there for the same goal as the Lord is- it is ultimately the Lord and only the Lord who will lead me into the right path towards my destiny that he solely created for my life. right now- i could not be happier- there have been so many things in my life that the Lord has blessed me with- some of the best recently- and this just adds to the list which is growing longer by each passing day. so as i step away from today and into the rest of my life there are only two words that i can use to describe what is happening in these very crucial moments of my life and they are- new beginnings....

every habit starts somewhere...

as i write this i think- every habit starts somewhere. i have known for a long time that i am somewhat of a decent writer, but i just have never brought myself to sitting down and acutally writing. so finally from a lot of thinking and some prodding from the proper people i have decided to make a habit of doing just that- writing. no matter what it is. granted- most of it will be crap, but at least it will be a step in the right direction. i realize writing- or blogging in this case is a great way to communicate with the world- even though i am pretty sure only 1 person will see this for a long while. but communication between people in any shape or form is good, especially in the case where it is a necessity for those individuals. having said that i can say to whoever might read this- look forward to the confessions of a perilous mind. you never know what you might find and you never know what you might take to heart. now with the words of edward r. murrow i say to you- good night and good luck.